2004-11-01T07:00:00.000-08:00

Taint much goin on in diPwytch this year.

2004-04-05T07:09:00.000-07:00

The Dipwytch Blogger

Mon. 5th April

Morning World! I aint as dun this afore so I opes I dont drop dung. Its me blog. I eard
about em frum me mate, what lives sum o is time in Weymouth. E does as do sumint in a
college an told me theys all got these ere blogs there. Tis a type o computer dairy. You
writes down wot appens an people frum all over the place can as read it.

Wi me mate, e does as sumtimes get emils frum people Lord knows where, what do as say ow
much its been intresting. Or not. Anyow, Ive still gotta get used to this ere typing. Me
fingers is to fat fer it. I reckons thats enuf fer starters.

TTFN World

Thurs. 8th April

Morning World! Desided to start digging an ole in garden.

Fri. 9th April

Carried on wi ole an then ad me bath.

Sat. 10th April

Oles deep enuf. Spent the afternoon squaring it up. Looks grate!

Im of to the pub.

TTFN World

Sun. 11th April

Evening World! Twas Sunday today (still is) whats normally quiet. Today wasnt quiet
though, not wi all the racket! It aint been as busy ere since the last time. Im not going
to tell yer what a mess the place is in. Itll take sum cleaning an clearing. I ope to
make a start tomorow but Ill ave to do sumint bout that ole first. Dont want nobody
falling in it! Oles can be dangeros, specially when its dark. I still aint as ad any
emils frum Lord knows where. I spose it takes time fer word to get round.

Mon. 12th April

That was a work an an alf but its dun now. I got the ole filled up. Funny thing is I ad
sum dirt left over, wot wouldnt fit back in. Someone mustve thrown it into me garden.
Bloody cheek! It wouldnt ave been Pete so it mustve been enry an Maisy. Still, I dont
wantta upset the neybers. Ill wait till its dark an fling it back across to em.

Tues. 13th April

What a bloody carry on. I was looking round fer me bucket when I eard Maisy shouting about
er washing. Shed left it on the line overnight an was in a right red rage. I felt a bit
gilty to be onest, but theyd thrown the dirt in my garden to begin wi. Still, I did as say
twas probly bloody kids whos parents dont as know ow to bring em up proper, an theyd be
better fer a good iding. She said I was probly right an collected up er washing. I asked
if shed seen me bucket. Maisy said not since alf passed three on Sataday when I took it
down into the ole. I didnt like the sound o that, cos I could remember sumint along them
lines appening.

After taking er washing indoors Maisy cum back out and picked up er yard brush. She did as
say sumint about teaching bloody kids fer messing wi er lawndry, an stormed of down the
lane to find sum. I thought Id best look busy an try to find me bucket. I fetched me
spade an got digging.

TTFN World! Im knackered.

Wed. 14th April

Ow do World! My back urts. I remember Revrent Evans saying sumint bout aches an pains
being Gods way o letting a body know its dun a good job o work fer the day. Thing is
Revrent Evans dont ave to do the digging. Is ousekeeper looks after that fer im.

When I cum up fer me lunch I could as ear Maisy was in a good mood. She was wistling as
she made a couple more notches in er yard broom andle. I didnt ask why nor whod it been.

I still felt a bit sheepish.
Anyow Im of to bed. Them aches an pains! I wish it were Friday. I ave me baths on
Fridays an a good soak might as elp. Still taint Friday an I cant as change that.

Good night World

Thurs. 15th April

Couldnt get much done today on acount o Bert an Jack coming round. They ad sumint
important to ask so they brung a jug o cider wi em, so as to elp us concentrate. It took a
lot o talking through, but I cant remember what it was. Jack told this bloody good joke
wot I adnt eard afore. It was sumint to do wi a vet, a ball an a milkmade. The farmer
said as ow the ball wouldnt cover the stupid cow, the made blushed an the vet voluntered to
do it fer im or sum such. I cant remember exactly, but it was a cracker.

Anyow twas dark by the time they left so Bert went an fell in the ole on the way out. Its
a good job I asnt finished redigging it, else itd ave been deeper. We ad to larf did Jack
an me, cos e looked so funny arse over tit wi is legs in the air. We got im out in one
peace an is ankel will mend soon enuf. Opefully.

Fri. 16th April

The bloody bucket werent down there. Im of fer me bath.

Sat. 17th April

Morning World! I should as be filling in the ole but Im to excited. The first emil
arrived frum Lord knows where. They didnt as mention me blog but they mustve been reading
it. Stands to reason. Ow else would the ave got me emil adress. They was ofering me
medicines o sum kind.

Mon. 19th April

Morning World! Sorry I didnt write none yesterday but I was to busy. I got the ole filled
in but there was dirt left over again! I dont wantta keep wots not mine but I didnt wantta
risk that appening wi Maisy again. Once bitten twice shy. Shes andy wi a yard brush is
Maisy. Fer safetys sake I waited till dark an bunged the dirt into Petes garden. I was
right blathered when I eared a shout. Anyone in a garden at that time o night can only be
up to sumint. It stands to reason. I thought twas probly them burglers what they sumtimes
mentions on the telly. Fer safetys sake I ran to me shed to fetch a torch an pitchfork an
tripped over that bloody bucket in me urry. I came sumint o a cropper. Anyow, I gathered
up me needs bes an senses an went out to confront the neerdowells.

"Oi, dont you move a bloody inch else Ill fork you," I shouted as I shoved the
fork through the edge. There was a scream so I knewed Id it sumint.

I shined the torch over to ave a see an caught site o Pete wi a confused look on is face,
which is normal enuf. "What the ecks going on?" he asked. "I was just
getting comftable like when a load o dirt landed in me face!"

My mouth fell open a bit but me brain kept going. E was shaking so I pulled me fork back.
"Dirt in yer face? Thats odd."

"Did any cum down in yer garden?" he asked.

"Yeah," I fibbed, "that's why I cum outta look around. Sorry if I got you
wi me fork."

"Oh bugger that," e said, "but whered the damn dirt cum frum? Twouldnt be
surprised if it werent them bloody kids, wot was lobbing stuff at Maisys washing."

Feeling sorry fer the little perishers I shook me ead an tried to think up sumint else.
"Dont as reckon so Pete. Did you as ear any?"

"No but maybe they was quiet uns."

"We dont ave any quiet kids in Dipwytch Pete. I think I eard a plane fly over. I
spect the muck fell out that."

"You dont mean frum them fancy toilets they ave?"

I shrugged me shoulders. "If so, at least itll do the garden sum good. Anyow whatre
you doing out ere at this our?"

Petes face lit up wi appiness. "I ope you wont as gossip," e wispered, which is
a funny thing to ope fer in Dipwytch. "Ive got a lady friend staying the night wi me,
if you takes me meaning. We played cards fer it square an fare. She won the bed an I got
the lawn."

I winked knowingly an wished im good night.

Tues. 20th April

Pete cum round today wi a jug o cider. E kept minding me not to gossip about is lady
friend wot stayed. E also wants me to elp im write a letter to British Airways to ask
about condensation fer the trouble.

Fri. 23rd April

Another emil arrived frum Lord knows where today! They says they can as add three inches
to me member. I wonder if it works on both arms.

TTFN World!

Further news from Dipwytch can be found atThis is Dipwytch.

Trevor Dykes; putting the in before sanity.

The Dipwytch Blogger